Thoughts of me.....
Like Fuckin’ Batman

I miss you fuckers. Mad miss you all.  Life is shit right now.  Fixing the bad, getting to the good stuff.  Letting the real me out. ;) A couple of you know what that means……..It will find me I suppose.  School is keeping me entirely way too busy. I hate just dropping in like this so I am going to try and find time. I’m sure you have all forgotten about me at this point. But I miss you. XX

My PSA :)

A year and a half ago I went to the dermatologist to look at a mole that had appeared out of nowhere about a year before that.  When he saw it he was majorly concerned and it was immediately removed that day.  I had suspected it was cancerous before I even entered the doctors office but I had put it off for a year out of fear.  The small surgery sucked.  It was extremely painful with a lot of stitches and bruising.  A week later I went back and sat down in the office to get my results.  I was alone and scared because deep down, I knew.  He told me it was cancer.  He said they got all of it out but that they were going to go back in and do a second, more invasive, surgery to remove a larger area around it, just as a precaution.  I had a small panic attack because I knew how painful it was the first time.  I asked him what the chance was that it had spread and he said the chance was very slim but they really have no way of knowing 100%.  As soon as the first set of stitches healed, I went in for my second surgery. It sucked.  For weeks I had bruising down my entire calf and it was painful to even put on jeans.  I now have a healthy 6 inch scar down my calf.  

Today I went for a re-check.  I haven’t been back since the last time, even though that’s not smart.  I noticed a mole appeared below my right boob and I was freaked out.  The other dr checked me over completely and decided to remove the mole I was concerned about.  She said it was NOT cancerous but had the potential to become cancerous if it were to burn.  This was a quick procedure this time, no stitches, no bleeding…just a bandaid and sent on my way.  I am happy to say that I have been cleared, cancer free, for 6 more months :) I cried when I got in my car…out of happiness of course.  I knew that if I had to go through what I went through last time I would have a melt down.  Here’s the kicker….the dr. I saw today was a different dr than the one who removed the melanoma last time.  This dr said to me “I looked over your charts and I see you had a major surgery about a year and a half ago.  You’re a lucky woman.”….confused a little, I asked her why she said that…she responded…”What you had wasn’t a minor thing. We remove moles every day without stitches or surgery.  Yours was much more severe.  If you would have waited 6 more months to come in, it would have been too deep and it would have spread. There’s nothing we could have done here.”……..My stomach dropped.  I’ve done a lot of research and asked a lot of questions and once you get skin cancer, and it spreads to other organs, you’re screwed.   So to think that if I wouldn’t have been checked, I might not be here right now…well that was a kick in the ass.  

So here’s my PSA: GET CHECKED!  Keep up with your health.  Whether it’s a mysterious mole or a stomach pain or a sore throat.  Get checked.  I have met the man of my dreams, I have two amazing children and will be starting my dream job soon.  There’s too much to live for.  Getting a mole removed didn’t seem like a big deal, how much damage could it cause? It could have caused a lot…Get checked!

Incase you forgot.. I want you.

Secret sneaky post…..I LOVE YOU SWEETNESS!

I just stopped by to print a picture of your face so I can put it on a milk carton. Pay no mind.... I'm on my way back out. We'll find you.

hahaha this made me giggle :) I was in hiding. But I saw the fliers you posted! You could have picked a picture where I wasn’t naked!

Truthful Tuesday

Hello all my beautiful friends. I’ve missed you so!! I’ve obviously been off of Tumblr for awhile. I had to deal with some personal stuff in real life. For a long time I’ve been dealing with depression.  About a month ago it got really bad.  I was having a hard time functioning in my daily life.  I went to the dr a few weeks ago and we are working on finding something that will help.  I’m still dealing with it but some days are better.  The meds I’m on don’t seem to be working.  So…we try something else.  But I’ve missed you all and I’m going to stick around here more ;) I stayed on Twitter because I mask most of my sadness with humor.  Tumblr is more personal for me and it was hard to face. But it’s also therapeutic. Love you gorgeous people <3

You guys probably didn’t notice ive been gone. I’ll be back……eventually. I miss and love you all! <3

Tumblr Crushes:
This list makes me happy &lt;3
Delete Delete Repeat

I’m strongly considering deleting both Tumblr and Twitter. It’s all becoming too much. It’s not fun for me anymore. I guess it doesn’t help that I am ridiculously down and out lately.  If you saw me in real life you’d never know. I hide things well.  I don’t know, we’ll see.  Maybe I’ll snap out of it.  I’m just venting. 

Went out last night, trying to relax….and ran into my ex boyfriend. The only man I’ve ever loved. He told me he left his ex and then asked if he could see me soon. He’s been texting all day….I’m not going out with him. He left me once. He didn’t fight for us before, so why should I give him a second chance? I shouldn’t. And I’m not. My feelings weren’t even there when I saw him. Good. Finally got my closure.

My friend is almost in town. I’m so excited I might pee.